Captain Hook and the Smeared Reputation
by Siara Elen
Summary: Movie night doesn't quite go as planned when Henry introduces Killian to his 'fictional' counterpart in Disney's Peter Pan and it goes down like a cup of something nasty. Can Emma stop laughing long enough to comfort the poor pirate?


**Hello Oncers! **

**A/N: So, this little one shot came to me as I watched Peter Pan as part of a recent all day Disney binge. No, I have nothing better to do with my time...**

**Disclaimer: I am a fan. I own nothing.**

**Captain Hook and the Smeared Reputation**

'Swan! Finally, you're here!' Killian exclaimed, yanking the door wide with his hook and pulling her into the apartment with his good hand.

'What's the big emergency?' Emma asked bewildered. The apartment was as she'd left it, other than the snacks strewn about the coffee table, and Henry sat placidly on the sofa – no, not placidly; there was a stifled smile on his face.

The slight fear she'd carried as she had hurried home from the station following Killian's cryptic voicemail requesting her immediate presence and assistance was allayed. Whatever the problem was, it did not appear to be another magically induced apocalypse.

'This! This... travesty! This calumny!' Killian spluttered, gesturing wildly, so that she took a step back from his hook, just in case.

'What?' she asked, still unable to see the problem. She glanced at Henry, who had leaned forward to retrieve something from beneath the empty popcorn bags and soda cans, the smile on his face widening involuntarily.

Killian gestured again towards the boy, words, for a moment, failing him.

Henry cleared his throat as he held up a DVD case to show her.

'Peter Pan?' Emma read, starting to smile herself.

'Peter Pan,' Henry nodded in confirmation.

'Lies!' Killian roared.

'I take it you're not impressed,' Emma deadpanned calmly, biting the inside of her cheek to control the urge to grin.

'Not impressed!' he repeated incredulously. 'I've been _traduced_, Swan!'

'It's not a flattering portrait, I'll grant you,' she agreed, attempting to sound solemn.

'You warned me about the perm, but this? This vain fop? This clown with an absurd double cigarette holder? The scoundrel with no honour? This... this coward! And Pan the hero? This is what people believe?'

'Well, to be fair I think they think you're – he's,' she corrected herself quickly sensing an increase in his outrage, 'he's well... fictional. So it's not really _you_ you.'

'That's not the point!' Killian snapped. 'And the way he captained my ship! I've never seen anything so lubberly!'

'It's only a movie, a kids' cartoon at that.'

'Exactly! A Disney movie, seen by millions of kids who grew up and showed it to their kids. What are you going to do about it?' he demanded, startling her as his rant came to an abrupt close.

'Do?' she asked, mystified. 'What do you want me to do?'

'You're the sheriff,' he replied gesturing in the vicinity of her badge, as though she needed the reminder. 'You need to do something... sheriffy.'

'Defamation!' He added, the answer coming to him suddenly. 'Libel. You can arrest them for damage to my reputation.'

'Your reputation as a merciless pirate and killer you mean? You want them to know that you may be a pirate but you have better hair and taste in accessories than your fictional counterpart?'

'Yes,' he replied, slightly less fired up now.

'And that you're a better sea captain and not a coward. And you might be a villain but Pan was worse.'

Killian narrowed his eyes but didn't reply.

'Ok, here's what I'm going to do,' she continued. 'I'm pretty sure the story about Walt getting himself cryogenically popsicled is a myth, so I don't think I'll be able to get them to defrost him so I can give him a piece of my mind, but I'll fly to Los Angeles and march into the Disney studios and insist that they remake the movie using...' she cast her eyes over to the photo of them together that stood framed on the dresser, 'this photo to really capture your essence. And that they use only an accurate account of your piratical felonies. We can sit down over dinner and make a list.'

Killian blinked at her for a moment, giving her the fish-eye.

'You're not taking this seriously,' he accused and spun on his heel, plucking the offending DVD from Henry's loose grasp and stalking to the door.

'I'm showing this to Tink. She'll agree with me.' He closed the door none too gently behind him, leaving mother and son staring silent in his wake.

Emma moved over to the sofa and sat beside Henry, pulling him into a half headlock, half hug and tousling his hair.

'Why did you show it to him?' she asked.

'I thought he'd think it was funny!' Henry justified, tickling her side to get free.

They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

Emma paused in the doorway of Granny's and spotted Killian sitting at the counter, nursing a glass of whiskey and staring darkly at the grinning Pan and screaming, terrified Captain Hook on the cover of the DVD.

She pulled herself up on to the stool beside him and slung an arm over his shoulder, gesturing to Ruby to bring her a matching drink.

'You find Tink?' she asked as Ruby placed a glass in front of her and filled it with a generous slug of rich amber single malt. He shrugged.

'You're really upset about this,' she observed. 'I'm sorry I didn't get that.'

'I guess I may have overreacted,' he allowed in return.

'You know, you're not the only one they misrepresented. You should watch Mom's movie. She's a total idiot who took a poisoned apple from an evil old crone instead of a bandit hero who chose to poison herself to protect her true love. And Dad barely even has any lines. He doesn't even have a name. Doc can't string a sentence together and Regina's only beef with Snow is that she's prettier. And the huntsman...' she tailed off. 'I'm not sure anyone would be happy with that version of the story.'

'You know, I haven't even had a proper Disney movie,' Ruby chimed in, having overheard them. 'Just a black and white silent short that nobody alive's ever even seen.'

Killian gave a resigned nod. 'And I can't imagine the Native Americans are happy about the Indians' scenes in Pan,' he conceded.

'What do you know about Native Americans?' Emma asked sceptically.

'I watched a documentary,' he defended.

'Right. And you know, Disney's Robin Hood isn't even human, he's a fox.'

'Is Disney a hero or a villain?' Killian sighed philosophically.

'Both. Like most people.' Emma replied matching her tone to his.

She downed her drink and as Ruby moved down the counter to serve Leroy Emma leaned over and whispered in his ear.

'I dropped Henry at Regina's on my way over. If you come home with me I can make you forget all about that movie.'

'That's what I'm talking about, Swan,' he replied in a low, soft voice, smiling lazily and lifting his hand to cradle her cheek. 'Do something sheriffy.'

He laid some cash on the counter and they slipped out into the night.

**And they all lived happily ever after...**

**Thanks for reading. Reviews are beautiful! **

**Until next time, sleep tight kids.**


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